The idea
Most body-metric calculators are either clinically dry or quietly mean. The Chonkometer is an attempt at a third option: tools that are genuinely useful and properly calculated, wrapped in something warm enough that you'd actually want to use them — and share the result. A fictional needle-gauge swings, a chubby orange tabby reacts to your number, and you get an honest reading delivered with a wink instead of a wince.
Who makes it
The Chonkometer is built and maintained by a movement scientist (MSc) — someone whose training is specifically in human movement, exercise physiology and body composition, and who has spent years working with the exact measurements these tools use. That background is why the jokes sit on top of real methodology: WHO categories for BMI, established sex-specific thresholds for waist and waist-to-hip, and peer-reviewed skinfold equations (Durnin & Womersley, Jackson-Pollock) converted with the Siri formula for body fat.
Our one firm rule
Body numbers are sensitive, and it would be easy to make a "fat calculator" that punches down. We don't. The Chonkometer roasts the absurd little gauge, never the person reading it — there are no jokes about worth, looks or character. The underweight reading is gentle and never mocks thinness or treats it as a prize. And at the top of every scale, the machine drops the comedy entirely, shows its most caring face, notes where the estimate stops being reliable, and points you toward a real doctor. Being fun and being kind are not in tension; that carve-out is the whole personality of the site.
How the numbers are handled
Every calculation runs entirely in your browser. Nothing you type — your height, weight, measurements, or age — is ever uploaded, logged, or stored. When you close the tab, it's gone. The maths is local; only the jokes are hosted.
Accuracy and honesty
These tools are screening estimates, not diagnoses, and every result page says so. Where a method has known limits — BMI can't see muscle, skinfolds carry a margin of error, thresholds vary by ancestry — we say so in plain language rather than hiding it. When we're unsure about a formula or a cut-off, we flag it and leave it out rather than shipping something we can't defend. Credibility is the entire point; the cat is just the delivery mechanism.
Say hello
Questions, corrections from fellow practitioners, or a particularly good chonk pun? The contact page is the place. We especially welcome methodological corrections — getting the numbers right matters more than getting them fast.